I found myself writing this post during office hour. Definitely not one noble attitude, of course. But I’ve finished the entire task for today and eventually hoping for some more. But sadly, no other task for today, yet it is inevitable. I don’t really have a specific subject, so I’m just gonna write whatever I feel like writing.
FRIENDS
Well, I just missed my friends so much that I feel like crying my heart out whenever I think of them. Truth is I love every single one of them very dearly. I feel blessed to have them in my life. We have had our fair share of ups and downs, faults and fights, rants and arguments, even smiles and laughs. I’m teaching myself to appreciate friends and family every single day. How sweet is that. Haha.. self praising. Now I feel like throwing up ;)
TRAINEE
Hmm... how should I say this? It’s not like the training is tough, yet I keep counting the remaining days of this industrial training. Trying to be a nonchalant lady here, I act tough and strong. But deep inside my heart, I feel so stress and hassle. Nothing like scathed by physical means, it’s just that women’s are most susceptible to affairs of the heart, or is it just me? Maybe.
THANK YOU
Mak, abah, siblings, classmates, roommates, lab mates, all the mates in the world, my imaginary friend ah chong (sounded like a psycho already), lecturers, and relatives, thank you is the least I can say. Really really thank you. For the laugh and good time, for the fun and comfort, for the advice and lesson. But in lieu of it all, for giving me the honour of being part of your life. Hats off to you guys. Salute!
It’s been quite some time since I last updated this blog. Heh, typical foreword. Apa-apalah. By the way, I’m so stress that I just want to write something here. Ignore the language since I will be using manglish (malay+english) for this post. I don’t really enjoy manglish but somehow, I’m just gonna use it. Right at this moment I just feel like screaming, kicking, eating dan yang sewaktu dengannya. Tapi tidaklah saya nak tulis semua problem yang berlaku, I don’t think it’s even necessary. Tapi seperti lagu Senyum by Raihan, katanya senyumlah sedekah yang paling mudah, senyum di waktu susah tanda ketabahan, senyuman itu tanda keimanan. Jadi tersenyumlah saya sorang-sorang kat pejabat ni. Lepas tu sambung senyum-senyum lagi, nasib baik tak ramai orang kat ofis ni. Kalau tak, mesti orang ingat dah separuh ‘gone’.
Masalah kewangan, haila... selalu datang tanpa dijemput. Dulu-dulu walaupun sedar duit tu susah nak dicari, tapi saya tetap selalu lupa tentang tabungan masa depan. Biasalah, kalau baru dapat scholarship tu, semua nak dibeli, makan pun nak yang best-best je. Alhamdulillah sekarang dah sedar. Tak mengapalah, lupakan dulu perkara ni. Nanti ada lah solutionnya tu. Masalah kerja, how lah kan. Waktu-waktu ni juga yang Encik Engineer yang supervise tu kena pergi Itali. Dua minggu. Lamanya. Nanti susahlah kalau dia takde. Siapa lagi nak bagi kerja. I can cope with the workload, but no load at all is killing me. Jobless la macam ni. Mengharapkan ada task selama Encik Engineer dan boss ke Itali. Arrivederci. Ciao. Semoga selamat pergi dan pulang ke tanah air.
Tapi semestinyalah ada problem yang lagi dahsyaaatt dari yang dinyatakan tadi. Tapi kita biarkanlah dulu. Biarlah disimpan di dalam hati. Eceh... nak touching pulaaaa. Oh, saya juga baru perasan yang tiada post Hari Ibu tahun ni. Tahun lepas saya sempat juga tulis Because of You... Tapi apaun, this Mother's Day, may we all be reminded of how lucky we are to have one in our lives, and to have experienced their care during theirs. Semoga kita juga akan sentiasa belajar menghargai ibu bukan hanya pada Hari Ibu, tetapi selama mana kita masih bernafas, selagi hayat dikandung badan. Mak sentiasa the queen of my heart, the apple of my eye. To my dearest mom, thank you! I know my thank you is never enough, but still, Terima Kasih Mak! Really, Terima Kasih.
Concerning the lack of update for the past few months, I realize that I spend too much time completing various kind of tasks. There are like thousand of stories that I want to share, but very little time. In spite of everything that has transcended, at the moment I feel incompetent of penning down any recent endeavors following my very brief hiatus. What so called students life seems so real when Final Year Project (FYP) comes into our life without any invitation card.
Despite the laziness syndrome that is so attached to me, I somehow tries to write something in this very plain and humble blog.
Today, I woke up to my usual alarm phone and realizing that the date of this very day is January 18, which is special indeed. 59 years ago, Abah is seeing this world for a very first time. Well, it matters not how we refer them to as; Abah, Ayah, Abi, Papa or Dad, if Mom was my first love after Allah and Rasul, Abah would indefinitely be the next person that I would give my love, my respect and my honor to. Happy Birthday, Abah!
This post somehow is a little melancholy. The more I remember the past, the harder for me to control the emotions. I don't think I can write the things that I want to write at the first place. No matter how much I try to look things from a bright side, it ended up quite the opposite. I know that as for now I have to say goodbye to the past chapter of my life, and looking forward for what comes next. But it doesn't mean that the past is forgotten. We let go so we can move on with this life. Once in a while, we have to look back, for in the past holds the lesson that we needed the most.
After all, life is too short to be anything but happy. Kembali gembira (^_^)
As far as my memories would serve - I was born a baby, was a teen and now an adult. Or am I still an innocent young teen? That sounds good! Well, I just turns 22. Alhamdulillah... Friends and family wish me "Selamat Hari Jadi", but sometimes I wonder, selamat pulakah hari matiku? A simple question yet requiring an intricate answer.
It's been nearly 694 million seconds 200,000 hours 264 months 8000 days (so I love calculation, enough said) since I realized that I am proud to have been blessed with the childhood I had, even if at times I wanted to grow up very fast. I'm passing my gratitude to God Almighty for all the blessings He has bestowed in my life. Thank you Allah (^_^)
Well, back to the current situation, guess the pictures explain everything. Here it goes:
p.s: Hati sila kuat, semangat jangan hilang dan fizikal diharap sihat. May Allah bless us all~
It had been months since I write something here. I love writing as much as I love reading. But it seems that reading is way too easy than writing. So most of the time I do prefer read than write. I think this is kind of self-serving bias (if that is the right term). But I guess that term just suite me well in this situation.
If we read, it was just us that will benefit from it. I mean, we can expands the vocabulary, improve spelling, helps us understand different way of life, different ideas, also it allows the freedom to find out what other humans have had to say over the years. It helps us to keep the mind active and motivated, assist us to understand what is blood transfusion (not like I read medical book, seriously), what is like to lose memory, also it can stimulates the right side of the brain, well the list could go on forever… but if I write instead of read something, the same list will be pass on to the others and not just me. Definitely that it will only be applicable for a pleasant and nicely written story.
Sigh.
I was always like this. Mumbling and mumbling some more before eventually move ahead to write the real story. Hurm… back to the story itself (I can’t believe that it’s not even started), by the way, today is a bright sunny day. Let us go back to the things happen 96 hours ago. Four days ago, it was Saturday and I was still in my beloved UIA, as soon I open my eyes, it was raining cats and dogs. It was not the usual rain. I woke up early in the morning to check the windows. It was closed. I bet if it was not because of the azan, I will still in deep sleep, blanketed with the chilly breeze. I kept my eyes on the heavy rain. After a couple of minutes, I took my mobile phone from the table. It was 6.26 in the morning. So after the usual morning duty, I sit on the floor, despite the cold, it was the most comfortable place to sit.
Ok it is not comfortable, but at least it can help me to evade sleeping. By the way, I was waiting for my sister to pick me up and to help me with the nicely packed luggage, boxes and piles of books. The rain made the road filled with mud. So when my sister came, she refused to take the risk of getting the car stuck in the mud. So, it end up for both of us, to use the energy plus spirit plus determination as much as we can, to walk while both hands full of bags, walking and walking some more, in completing the journey to the car which is located about 400 metres far (more or less).
At that particular day, again, I see other students’ parents come to pick their beloved daughter. I’ve been seeing this same scene all the time. The week before the final exam ends, everyday there are parents who park their car beside my room, of course they are, since it was ground floor. But I can’t help myself from remembering my father whenever I see the faces of other people’s dad.
I still have a father at least. That is kind of a priceless quote to me. But I can barely see him. Perhaps, even once a year is almost impossible. But glad to say that I always have the most beautiful, amazing and inspiring women on my side. Well, she is mak and abah at the same time. It’s pretty cool huh… for me it was the coolest thing ever. But certainly, it comes with thousand of pain, hardness and difficulty but still… don’t forget to smile (^_^)
It just that… whenever my friends are having conversation about their father, I feel like talking too. But at the end, I keep repeating the same story all over again. The story had been past for a very long time though. But still, I kept bragging about that little scene of me with abah. I hope I have much more to tell, or bunch of memories, or even a small interesting event that happen recently that I can be proud of, about a father, a dad… about abah. But I really don’t have one. I wonder if this goes on, at the end, I don’t have any memory of me being with abah. But I will definitely not gonna make that kind of thing to happen. At least as long as I can remember, I will try to keep the remaining memories.
Life is sweet. That’s what I’ve always heard. But eventually, life is bittersweet. At one point, it seems that you can handle the situation with what so called positive attitude and optimist mind. I think life is truly bittersweet in all of it is wonder, surprises, challenges, opportunities and loss. It is just a matter of time until we know the precious lesson behind every past. The past is gone, the future is not yet here, and if we do not go back to ourselves in the present moment, we cannot be in touch with life.
Hmm.. I think I have to turn over the wheel, again. Back to a very cold morning last Saturday, when I was still dealing with the aim of the day which is to empty the room as empty as possible, it was then that I receive a message at exactly 11.33 a.m from my roommate, telling me that her father had passed away that morning. Shocked, but quickly gripped my spirit between sadness and relief. To Allah we belong, and unto Him we shall return. Inna lillah wa inna elayh raji’oon. It was unexpected. But… sigh… I don’t have a word to describe my feeling at that particular time.
I just hope that my dearly-loved friend will stay strong. She was always strong, at least in front of us. InsyaAllah, I will always remember her advice, to always care and love our parents until we are running out of breath. As long as eyes can see and heart can beat, as long life this, I hope Allah will assist me in becoming a good daughter. I have no grudge, not to anyone. I have no regret, since we are in this world today, still smiling, still breathing, but tomorrow is not certain. It was a short and brief life, yet we feel like it was a long and tiring journey. May Allah bless us all. I want to leave this world with Iman and Islam, with syahadah before the final breath. There is no guarantee, since time can change everything. But at least, that is my prayer for the past seven years, my prayer for today, perhaps tomorrow also, and the day that will come.
Wallahu al-Musta'aan.
Your Lord has decreed that you shall not worship except Him, and your parents shall be honored. As long as one or both of them live, you shall never say to them, "Uff" (the slightest gesture of annoyance), nor shall you shout at them; you shall treat them amicably. And lower for them the wings of humility, and kindness, and say, "My Lord, have mercy on them, for they have raised me from infancy." Your Lord is fully aware of your innermost thoughts. If you maintain righteousness, He is Forgiver of those who repent.
