It had been months since I write something here. I love writing as much as I love reading. But it seems that reading is way too easy than writing. So most of the time I do prefer read than write. I think this is kind of self-serving bias (if that is the right term). But I guess that term just suite me well in this situation.
If we read, it was just us that will benefit from it. I mean, we can expands the vocabulary, improve spelling, helps us understand different way of life, different ideas, also it allows the freedom to find out what other humans have had to say over the years. It helps us to keep the mind active and motivated, assist us to understand what is blood transfusion (not like I read medical book, seriously), what is like to lose memory, also it can stimulates the right side of the brain, well the list could go on forever… but if I write instead of read something, the same list will be pass on to the others and not just me. Definitely that it will only be applicable for a pleasant and nicely written story.
Sigh.
I was always like this. Mumbling and mumbling some more before eventually move ahead to write the real story. Hurm… back to the story itself (I can’t believe that it’s not even started), by the way, today is a bright sunny day. Let us go back to the things happen 96 hours ago. Four days ago, it was Saturday and I was still in my beloved UIA, as soon I open my eyes, it was raining cats and dogs. It was not the usual rain. I woke up early in the morning to check the windows. It was closed. I bet if it was not because of the azan, I will still in deep sleep, blanketed with the chilly breeze. I kept my eyes on the heavy rain. After a couple of minutes, I took my mobile phone from the table. It was 6.26 in the morning. So after the usual morning duty, I sit on the floor, despite the cold, it was the most comfortable place to sit.
Ok it is not comfortable, but at least it can help me to evade sleeping. By the way, I was waiting for my sister to pick me up and to help me with the nicely packed luggage, boxes and piles of books. The rain made the road filled with mud. So when my sister came, she refused to take the risk of getting the car stuck in the mud. So, it end up for both of us, to use the energy plus spirit plus determination as much as we can, to walk while both hands full of bags, walking and walking some more, in completing the journey to the car which is located about 400 metres far (more or less).
At that particular day, again, I see other students’ parents come to pick their beloved daughter. I’ve been seeing this same scene all the time. The week before the final exam ends, everyday there are parents who park their car beside my room, of course they are, since it was ground floor. But I can’t help myself from remembering my father whenever I see the faces of other people’s dad.
I still have a father at least. That is kind of a priceless quote to me. But I can barely see him. Perhaps, even once a year is almost impossible. But glad to say that I always have the most beautiful, amazing and inspiring women on my side. Well, she is mak and abah at the same time. It’s pretty cool huh… for me it was the coolest thing ever. But certainly, it comes with thousand of pain, hardness and difficulty but still… don’t forget to smile (^_^)
It just that… whenever my friends are having conversation about their father, I feel like talking too. But at the end, I keep repeating the same story all over again. The story had been past for a very long time though. But still, I kept bragging about that little scene of me with abah. I hope I have much more to tell, or bunch of memories, or even a small interesting event that happen recently that I can be proud of, about a father, a dad… about abah. But I really don’t have one. I wonder if this goes on, at the end, I don’t have any memory of me being with abah. But I will definitely not gonna make that kind of thing to happen. At least as long as I can remember, I will try to keep the remaining memories.
Life is sweet. That’s what I’ve always heard. But eventually, life is bittersweet. At one point, it seems that you can handle the situation with what so called positive attitude and optimist mind. I think life is truly bittersweet in all of it is wonder, surprises, challenges, opportunities and loss. It is just a matter of time until we know the precious lesson behind every past. The past is gone, the future is not yet here, and if we do not go back to ourselves in the present moment, we cannot be in touch with life.
Hmm.. I think I have to turn over the wheel, again. Back to a very cold morning last Saturday, when I was still dealing with the aim of the day which is to empty the room as empty as possible, it was then that I receive a message at exactly 11.33 a.m from my roommate, telling me that her father had passed away that morning. Shocked, but quickly gripped my spirit between sadness and relief. To Allah we belong, and unto Him we shall return. Inna lillah wa inna elayh raji’oon. It was unexpected. But… sigh… I don’t have a word to describe my feeling at that particular time.
I just hope that my dearly-loved friend will stay strong. She was always strong, at least in front of us. InsyaAllah, I will always remember her advice, to always care and love our parents until we are running out of breath. As long as eyes can see and heart can beat, as long life this, I hope Allah will assist me in becoming a good daughter. I have no grudge, not to anyone. I have no regret, since we are in this world today, still smiling, still breathing, but tomorrow is not certain. It was a short and brief life, yet we feel like it was a long and tiring journey. May Allah bless us all. I want to leave this world with Iman and Islam, with syahadah before the final breath. There is no guarantee, since time can change everything. But at least, that is my prayer for the past seven years, my prayer for today, perhaps tomorrow also, and the day that will come.
Wallahu al-Musta'aan.
Your Lord has decreed that you shall not worship except Him, and your parents shall be honored. As long as one or both of them live, you shall never say to them, "Uff" (the slightest gesture of annoyance), nor shall you shout at them; you shall treat them amicably. And lower for them the wings of humility, and kindness, and say, "My Lord, have mercy on them, for they have raised me from infancy." Your Lord is fully aware of your innermost thoughts. If you maintain righteousness, He is Forgiver of those who repent.
The Quran 17:23-25
